What do you think of when you think of dying?
Personally, the thought had never even crossed my mind.... until I was standing at what appeared to be the end of the road for me.
After spending a long summer in Michigan, I was more than thrilled to be back home in Atlanta. Although I was not yet physically in a place of my own, for some reason, I still felt as though I was at home. I basically bounced back and forth between the homes of my closest friends while my apartment was being prepared. I felt blessed...but still on edge as usual.
One night, as my husband was preparing to fly out to Miami in the morning, I sat in the car for about an hour with him, discussing what was about to transpire. "I don't know" I remember saying, "I really don't feel comfortable with you going to South Florida right now with Hurricane Irma coming, but at the end of the day, you are your own person, and you're going to make your own decisions". He looked away, while responding "Yea...". At that point, I knew that I had to make my peace with him leaving. I went into my friend's house to go to sleep, in preparation to take him to the airport at 5am.
I woke up before my alarm due to a very disturbing nightmare of me getting into a car wreck. Shook by the dream, I stared at my phone for about 20 minutes until my husband had woken up. I looked at him and asked, "Ready to roll?" He nodded, and we were off. As he drove to the airport, he looked at the steering wheel with a bit of confusion. He then said, "After you drop me off, don't drive this car unless it's an absolute emergency. This steering wheel feels a little weird, and it should not." I nodded, and continued to sit there in silence. Once we dropped him off, Eliana was in tears, of course, but I assured her that we would be alright, and I proceeded to look for my glasses so that I could drive back to my friend's house. Strangely, I could not find them. I gave up on trying to find them, and grabbed my backup pair instead.
The drive started off rather smoothly. I was only going about 51 mph, (because I drive like a Grandma, lol) when things took a turn for the worst. Suddenly, the steering wheel began to feel extremely loose, and was no longer controlling the car. I suddendly got scared as my car began to spiral out of control. It spun out twice, before spinning into the left lane, and crashing into the highway median. In that moment, I closed my eyes as I began to see all of the people I love in my head, devastated because I would never get the opportunity to see them again."This is it.." I remember thinking.
I opened my eyes, to see my airbag deployed, and cars driving by. "Eliana! Eliana, are you okay?" I yelled. "Yes. Yes Mommy, I'm okay" she responded. I looked back, and she was perfectly fine. I turned forward, and burst into tears. I jumped out of the car, and grabbed my daughter, as cars continued to pass us by on the highway. A woman pulled over, got out of her car, and rushed to us. "Are you okay? OMG, I saw the entire thing, that was awful, I'm calling an ambulance!" I really did not feel that I needed an ambulance, because aside from the bruising on my arms, I felt perfectly fine. But she insisted that my adrenaline was very high, and that was the reason I felt no pain at the moment. She was right. I figured that my husband was on his way to Florida already, but I took a chance and called him. He was boarding his plane at the time. I told him what had happened, and he asked what hospital they were taking us to so that he could Uber there. I looked at the woman, and broke down crying once again. She hugged me and said, "I understand". I thanked her, and proceeded to get in the ambulance. As I sat in the ambulance with my daughter, she said, "Mommy, I don't want to die." I hugged her, and suddenly, all I felt was gratitude. For some reason, I could not find one negative thing to say about the situation. I have my life, I have my baby, and I could not have asked for a better outcome.
At the hospital, the doctors and nurses were shocked that Eliana and I were in such good condition given the situation. "It's a wonder that you're even still alive!" one of the nurses said.
I do still have my car as well. It is still in the shop, and thanks to the fact that I was driving so slowly, the damage was not as half as bad as it could have been.
Today, aside from the subconscious things that I'm dealing with, I find it very hard to see the negative in any situation. I'm using this as an opportunity for a much needed spiritual reset. I am amazed at all of the time that I'd wasted being on edge for no particular reason, getting off track with my prayers and meditation sessions, and simply not applying my knowledge to my everyday life. The universe certainly has a way of getting your attention when you begin to get distracted. As you read through this blog post, you have probably picked up on the fact that the universe laid out all of the signs for me to completely avoid the accident altogether, I just did not heed those signs, nor did I even notice the signs at the times that they were presenting themselves. I had gotten so disconnected from my spirituality that I was unable to see the path that was clearly laid out for me. This was my wake up call, and because of it, I wake up every morning with gratitude on my mind.